If any of you remember my rants about mario and bowser being bad people, then you know what I'm out to stop...
this time, i will talk about ... LINK...
Ok.. LINK IS A TERRIBLE PERSON, so he cant be in brawl, heres why...
1) Link Must be an illegal immigrant. Seriously, he can't talk. He clearly has vocal chords, but he doesnt speak. Maybe he's just shy? I THINK NOT! He is incapable of speech. He is promoting illegal immigration, which is BAD.
2) His clothes... what is he one of santa's elves? One of santa's elves SHOULD NOT be fighting. What are the little kiddies going to say when they see one of santa's trusted helpers beating up lucas? They will be scared of christmas! Elves are supposed to live in the north pole, in little houses, with little beds, and little tooth brushes, and little VCRs, and little oven mitts, and little math textbooks, and little glasses of carrot juice. Santa also needs his help. christmas is NEXT month, so he needs link to help him build little raggidy anne dolls for all the good little boys and girls.
3)Link plays with weapons... not cool. that is why there is violence in the world today. because he hits stuff with his sword.
4) He's a jerk. He breaks into random peoples houses, and breaks all their pots, and steals all their rupees.... He also harasses chickens, and he lets his sister get kidnapped. He honestly is a jerk, and wants to ruin everyone's lives... and elves should act the exact opposite way.
5) This may be hard to understand. So brace yourselves. Take some deep breaths and make sure you have some tissues, cuz your gonna cry. Ok.. are you ready?
my friends...
link..
the guy you all know and love....
is...
a perv....
don't beleive me? May i turn your attention to exhibit A!
6) He watches Hannah montana. Now beleive me, I like hannah montana, so if you could see how HE watches it... you would understand. Let's just say that.... he gets into the show.... next time you go through his closet, as i know you all do daily, look for a blonde wig, and pop star outfits.
7) He sets bad eating habbits. He kills random "Jelly" on the ground, and then eats it. Tell me. If you saw a green jelly blob, and you killed it, would you eat it? No? well if you play a few more of link's games, you may feel a sudden craving for Green eggs and Ham....
8) His father is Jack Thompson, and his mother is a head of lettuice. Enough said.
9) WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME YOU SAW LINK CLEAN? He is filthy. He runs through deserts and jungles, and department stores, and the ocean, and the mountains, and the snow, and the terrace, and the fountain, and the grage, and the the bedroom, and the good egg galaxy. He looks like he hasnt bathed in years. He probably has a whole bunch of bacteria and vermine living in his hair.
10) He is an animal. Why would we want a rabid beast as a playable character. "O look at meh! Im teh cute little puppyz aand i have a majical pixie ridin' on mah back. woopidy deeeee" I mean come on! A dog? Why the heck to we need a puppy playable? We'd be better off with an apple wearing sunglasses!
11) No insurance, no job, no credit score, no wife, and no computor. WHAT THE HECK IS WRONG WITH THIS GUY? He's a grown man that lives in the woods in a little hut. Come on link.
12) The name link is terrible. It could mean so many different things. An internet Link, a link on a chain, a sausage link, and a link of...... linkness... so he should get a name change...
so please reconcider this LINK character. i dont like him, so all of you have to agree with me, because i am superbly superior to everyone else.
*FOR THOSE OF YOU WHO CANT TELL THIS IS A JOKE*
This post has been edited by peteypiranha128: Nov 23 2007, 11:26 PM
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Nov 23 2007, 10:05 PM
you should put them in the Smash Mag!!
